Sister refuses to keep traveling to visit her parents and siblings after years of living abroad and them never making an effort to visit her: ‘My mom said I was unfair’

Author image for Giuliana Tiscioni
Giuliana Tiscioni • Writer
Oct 29, 2026 7:15 AM EDT

A girl moved abroad to Australia to study; she settled there and paid visits to her family several times a year. They never went to visit her, even though they have traveled around the world and she offered several times to pay for them to visit, so now she refuses to keep going as often as she did. 

How does one handle unilateral relationships where the other person (or people) doesn't put as much effort into maintaining contact? 

As sad as it can be, sometimes we need to take a step back and acknowledge that the other person with whom we have a relationship might not be as interested in keeping contact as we are. It happens a lot with friendships, especially when you grow up and have the same group of friends since high school. Life happens in between, and you grow apart. No fights, nothing dramatic, just life playing its tricks on all of us. It's hurtful either way, but we accept it as a part of becoming adults. 

However, what we don't usually expect is our own family leaving us behind and choosing not to make an effort to keep in touch, especially if we've always been close and never had serious problems. 

This girl got a reality check when she finally figured out that her family had no intention of actively keeping in contact with her after she moved abroad. 

Advertisement

  • AITA for cutting down trips home since my family puts in no effort to visit me

    I (f24) moved abroad to Australia for uni 5 years ago, and have been living here since. I have a job I love and my fiancé is Australian so I have no plans of moving back home.
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • Cheezburger Image 10673717760
    via Vitaly Gariev for Unsplash+

    Studying abroad.

    Photo is a representation of scenes.

  • When i was in uni I travel home once a year over Christmas, but since graduating I have been traveling home more often (about 4 times a year).
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • No one in my family have visited me here since I moved. I have offered to pay for them to visit me repeatedly (I won the lottery at 19, so money isn't an issue) but they
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • always have an excuse about how they can't make it, even with 5 weeks of paid vexation each year. I understand that since I moved
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • abroad more of the effort of traveling will fall on me, but it feels like I am the only one putting in any effort.
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • I have decided since my family apparently dosent care to put any effort into our relationship I will stop traveling to see them so often, now I use all of my vacation each year to visit them.
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • I am also engaged and have more people and relationships in my life where both sides puts in the effort, so will spend more effort on them and less on my family.
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • Cheezburger Image 10673717248
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The girl and her fiancé. 

    Not actual story subjects.

  • When I talked to my mom a couple of weeks ago she asked me when I am coming home next and I explained what I wrote above, and also how my fiance and I will be
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • alternating holidays between our families from now on, so I will only be see my family of the holidays every other year. My mom said I was unfair, and how I was the one
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • who moved to the other side of the world, so I should have known it will be on me to visit them, and how it is much easier for me as one person to visit them than for the
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • five off them to visit me (parents and 3 siblings). I got similar messages from the rest of my family in our group chat so they all agree. I feel like I have been more
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • than accommodating, I've traveled to see them, offered to pay for them to visit me, I offered to pay for my siblings to bring their partners as well, still nothing from
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • them. I feel like it is unreasonable for them to be upset with me when they have put in zero effort in the past 5 years I have been here. I know cutting down my visits will
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • mean I will have less of a relationship with them, but now I am the only one putting in any effort, so it feels pretty unavoidable
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • at this point. So am I wrong for cutting down my visits when my family puts in no effort?
    via u/No_Relation_1167

  • At first glance, it is understandable that her family has issues with traveling abroad. Five people traveling and moving around usually take more planning, money, and logistics than it takes for a single person to figure all those things out. Besides, she did move away, so it makes sense that if she was the one leaving in the first place, she would come back whenever she wanted to see them. That is all well and good, but even with the complicated logistics, it's not impossible for the family to travel to see their sister/daughter. I have friends living away and sometimes it's easier for them to come visit me; some other times, it's easier for me to visit them. We try to make it fair for all of us, so no one feels abandoned and doesn't feel the pressure of traveling constantly.

    So far, the girl's family has been way too comfortable, and she's been considerate of them and reasonable, even offering to pay for their tickets so they can travel. They should probably check their priorities and try to make an effort, try to be willing to feel a little bit of discomfort too, so she's not the one accommodating herself to them for once. 

  • Cheezburger Image 10673717504
    via Valeriia Miller For Unsplash+

    The woman is upset about her family not visiting. 

    Featured likenesses do not identify those mentioned.

  • I have 3 siblings, we are close in age but I am the youngest. Both of my sisters were already in uni when I moved and graduated a year before me, and I completely
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • understood they couldn't mange to visit while in uni themselves, but they graduated and got full time jobs 3 year back. And have gotten 5 weeks paid vacation since and still haven't come.
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • My brother worked full time when I started uni, and he started university himself two years ago, so now he both work full time and is a full time student, so I again
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • understand why I hasn't been able to visit me when he is that busy. But he still had 3 years where he was working and had 5 weeks paid vacation and didn't come for a visit.
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • Edit: someone said I should add that all of them have travel a lot, having visited 20+ countries each, and traveling abroad every year. Some years that is roadtrips to neighboring countries and others
    via u/No_Relation_1167
  • are further away. They have also done longer flight in the past ranging from 8 to 17 hours travel. So while it isn't quite as long as a trip to Australia they have done long travel days before
    via u/No_Relation_1167

  • Alright, this information definitely settles it. She's been living abroad for 5 years, and they never went to see her; she travelled 4 times a year to be with her family, she invited them several times and even offered to pay for them; they always made excuses, even when it's clear that they have both the time and the resources to pay her a visit. Otherwise, they wouldn't have travelled all around the world. The time and money excuses are just that: excuses. If they are too lazy or are too comfortable sitting on their couches to make an effort for their family, so be it. But she's not obligated to keep fighting for a bond that the others have clearly no interest in keeping. 

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

family drama living abroad mother siblings family traveling Reddit college parents moving out
Scroll Down For The Next Article